Wolf in wolf’s clothing

It’s weird, I am sitting here waiting for my food in the oven. I sit here wanting to write, but in my head I keep telling myself that I have nothing to write about. I know this to be a lie because I have at least two things that I can write on. Mathematics tells me that two ideas is not the same as zero ideas. So, why is it that I am trying to convince myself that I have nothing to write on?

I actually already know why this is, I figured it out a while ago when trying to write down some of the ideas I said I had previously. I usually only write when I have something on my mind that is bothering me. In this case, I want to put this down here just as a reference.

Anyways, like I said, I was trying to convince myself I had nothing to write about. Why is that? As far as I can tell, the reasoning for this is that I posted this site on a few social networks recently. I did this not really expecting anyone to take any notice. As it turns out people actually read it. I even got some comments, one of them actually came from a person in real life. And on the whole they were rather positive. This was a bit shocking to me. Like I said in my first post on this site, this is my second attempt at trueform. The first attempt was similar to this, the only difference being that this time I wasn’t expecting an audience. So now, what I write about is more real whereas on the previous version I’d write down things for shock or entertainment value.

A day or two ago when trying to write an article I noticed, I slipped back into trying to be entertaining. There is nothing wrong with writing for entertainment, infact (the dictionary is telling me in-fact, I like my way better) I do that on one or two other sites. The thing is that this is not how I want to use this site. Essentially, when I have a problem, I find that when I write out my thought process, I usually come up with a good solution. So that’s how this site was reborn. Partly¬† also because this girl I used to work with wished she knew what it’s like inside my head. Between this and Space Panda, I think she is 80% there.

Anyways, I’m getting sidetracked. The problem being that people’s behaviours change when they know they are being watched. There were actually a few studies done on this. This is the only link I could find on it though. From what I gather, there is a related phenomenon in quantum mechanics called the observer effect. The explanation being that by watching something, you change it. So my fear is that if people read this, I might not be as open or as truthful as I need to be for it to be useful to me.

Having said that, I am going to try. I think I can be quite closed off anyway, so doing this might actually help me open up a bit. I don’t think I did too badly this time. I did this by knowing that I would change my behaviour, then tried to keep an eye out for the change and stop it if I noticed it. So, don’t feel that I am chasing you away. I really do benefit from doing this and if others can benefit or get something out of it, all the better.

I was just about to end off when I came to a realisation. My problem has nothing to do with people watching/reading me. I can say this with confidence because right from the start, I put this on the internet. What does that tell you? If you think about it, anyone could have stumbled here without me posting it on social networks. My problem is not the observer effect. My problem relates to the saying that says “People are often more open with a stranger than they are with friends or family”. As far as I am concerned this is much easier to deal with than the observer effect. I just have to be slightly bolder and say what I want to say. This is good practice anyways.

To be honest, I am a little disappointed with myself because in my heart I knew the observer effect did not explain the problem, but yet I tried to convince myself it did. Then again, I can’t be too disappointed because it was the process that got me to the true cause.

That’s it for tonight I think.