I am starting to get despondent about certain things. I must say I am glad it’s not quite yet at the level of seeing everything as a tick box. It’s almost there though. I have all these plans of things I want to do but don’t do them. Instead I sit around doing literally nothing. I suppose as an aside I need to realise that I can’t be productive and perfect 100% of the time. But having said that I feel shit for not doing anything towards what I apparently want to do. I say apparently because I read that it’s possible that you don’t achieve goals because secretly your subconscious can work against you. Be it either because of the sacrifice required to get it is too high or the goal itself does not agree with who you see yourself as. I don’t really like this, because it means that it’s possible you are not in control of what you do. Sure subconscious desires probably can play a role, but if it’s stopping you from doing what you want to do, you obviously don’t want it enough. In which case you should probably re-asses why you are doing it. But another reason I don’t like it is because, it’s quite easy to use this subconscious desire theory as a bullshit excuse not to put in hours, a form of procrastination.
The way I see, it you should be able to work towards your goals easily. And if you are faltering, take a break. A proper break. If that does not work, re-asses and decide if you want to carry on. And you should only stop doing it until you make a conscious decision that you don’t want to do it anymore. Don’t waste time thinking about doing and not actually doing it, in my case that wastes energy, breeds guilt and prevents me from relaxing when it is time to relax. And one of the things I believe is that relaxation is as important as working towards your goals.
Yeah, don’t feel you have to do something because you have to. Especially if it’s activities you do with your free time. That’s just bullshit. You don’t HAVE to do anything, you have a choice. So if you’ve made your choice, do it. You might be saying, “Oh! But my work, I don’t enjoy my work, I don’t want to work.” Yeah sure, maybe. But what do you get out of work? Money? What do you with that money? You live under a roof, you go out, buy drinks, food, clothes, etc. Surely you want those things? I am pretty sure you do. So if that’s the case, you want to work. So just fucking do it, and enjoy it. Be happy that you are working, others are not so fortunate.
Get it? Good.
I am going to bed. Good night.