I am starting to get despondent about certain things. I must say I am glad it’s not quite yet at the level of seeing everything as a tick box. It’s almost there though. I have all these plans of things I want to do but don’t do them. Instead I sit around doing literally nothing. I suppose as an aside I need to realise that I can’t be productive and perfect 100% of the time. But having said that I feel shit for not doing anything towards what I apparently want to do. I say apparently because I read that it’s possible that you don’t achieve goals because secretly your subconscious can work against you. Be it either because of the sacrifice required to get it is too high or the goal itself does not agree with who you see yourself as. I don’t really like this, because it means that it’s possible you are not in control of what you do. Sure subconscious desires probably can play a role, but if it’s stopping you from doing what you want to do, you obviously don’t want it enough. In which case you should probably re-asses why you are doing it. But another reason I don’t like it is because, it’s quite easy to use this subconscious desire theory as a bullshit excuse not to put in hours, a form of procrastination.
The way I see, it you should be able to work towards your goals easily. And if you are faltering, take a break. A proper break. If that does not work, re-asses and decide if you want to carry on. And you should only stop doing it until you make a conscious decision that you don’t want to do it anymore. Don’t waste time thinking about doing and not actually doing it, in my case that wastes energy, breeds guilt and prevents me from relaxing when it is time to relax. And one of the things I believe is that relaxation is as important as working towards your goals.
Yeah, don’t feel you have to do something because you have to. Especially if it’s activities you do with your free time. That’s just bullshit. You don’t HAVE to do anything, you have a choice. So if you’ve made your choice, do it. You might be saying, “Oh! But my work, I don’t enjoy my work, I don’t want to work.” Yeah sure, maybe. But what do you get out of work? Money? What do you with that money? You live under a roof, you go out, buy drinks, food, clothes, etc. Surely you want those things? I am pretty sure you do. So if that’s the case, you want to work. So just fucking do it, and enjoy it. Be happy that you are working, others are not so fortunate.
Get it? Good.
I am going to bed. Good night.
The trend I see with the successful web2.0 sites is that it all seems to be a way to allow for people to try and stick out of the crowd by doing the same thing. I may be being cynical but Facebook, on its surface, is a way to keep in touch with your friends. If you look at everyday usage though, it’s uploading pictures, updating statuses, poking, whatever. Users there are basically saying: “look at me, look at my status, isn’t it funny? I crave your attention.”
Digg, the social networking bookmark site, is a way of alerting other users of interesting and/or funny news, pictures or movies. It does this quite well. Every now and again you find articles or comments about Digg users complaining that their self written articles or submitted articles do not do that well on Digg. It all seems to be about status for the users. It seems to be a way of saying: “Look at me. Look at what I have dugg. Recognise me for finding this cool link that I have in no way had anything to with but wish to take some credit for. I crave your attention.”
Twitter does not even pretend to be anything else other than a tool for attention whores. At its heart is says “Look at me, look at my fucking breakfast, here is a photo, please reply to my inane tweets about my overly mundane life so that you may provide the feedback that I so desperately need to know if my life actually means something. I crave your attention.”
I am not even going to bother with myspace. Everyone knows it’s for attention whores. If you don’t know this, you are either in a band or a natural born attention whore. The two are not mutually exclusive.
To twitter’s credit I did see some use in it the other day. Gmail went down I was not sure if they company I was working for had suddenly blocked it or if it was actually down. In my experience it would have been the first time a google service was not available. A quick search on twitter revealed that gmail was infact down and people all over the world were reporting this in. So for any major events in the developed world and the more advanced developing worlds it makes a good world pulse. And it if it wasn’t for attention whoredness of the site in question having a world pulse would not be possible.
I supposed that I am angry because the more I use these sites, it seems the more I seem to rely on others for validation of my actions. This angers me. Never in my life have I ever done this. Never in my life have I cared what others thought. I have always strived to be the best I can be in my own eyes. While doing that I was capable of selfless acts or creating things that others appreciated. Never the other way round. I always tried to operate unseen. Doing my thing (and doing it well) from the shadows without anyone noticing or even knowing who did it. Only to step out of the shadows to prevent others from taking recognition for work that is not their own.
That’s enough I think.