Not all the time, sometimes. It’s happened once or twice in public but private places. For example when I go to pee in the office toilet and it’s empty. While I am peeing away, I sometimes get a few seconds for my mind to wander*. If I happen to close my eyes my mind sometimes stops on: “Am I really in the office? Am I maybe peeing in public on the side of a lamp post?”.
This usually only happens when I am really tired, but it did get me thinking. How do we know we really are here? How do we know we are, who we say we are? You get crazy homeless guys that believe themselves Jesus. Yet in reality they are just dirty, smelly, crazy homeless guys. This makes me think you might not actually know you’re insane if you are insane. If that is true, how do I, or you for that matter, REALLY know that you are not a crazy guy who believes he is someone else. How do I know I’m not a crazy guy who believes he is someone called Gerard Lucienne Petersen. How do I know that this blog not is just in my head, and me typing right now is not just me hitting the ground with a stick? It’s true that I may also draw a comic called Space Panda, but how do I know that it’s not drawn in my own shit?
If I am the only one that thinks this, my only consolation is that I am insane enough to know that I may be insane or at least have the capacity to be even more insane.
*I have never written the word “wander” down prior to this. I really enjoyed the experience
According a body of research, scientists have proven that chocolate is good for colds and flu. Tests indicate that due to a combination of chemical reactions that occur in the body when a flu or cold virus is active, specific enzymes in the chocolate previously thought to be dormant have now been found to be activated. The enzyme group in question known as Cocoaleases helps speed up the production of white blood cells thereby boosting the body’s immune system.
When asked, a representative from the research group said, “Chocolate is good, but it’s not a substitute for Vitamin C, and good old fashioned rest”.
I am starting to get despondent about certain things. I must say I am glad it’s not quite yet at the level of seeing everything as a tick box. It’s almost there though. I have all these plans of things I want to do but don’t do them. Instead I sit around doing literally nothing. I suppose as an aside I need to realise that I can’t be productive and perfect 100% of the time. But having said that I feel shit for not doing anything towards what I apparently want to do. I say apparently because I read that it’s possible that you don’t achieve goals because secretly your subconscious can work against you. Be it either because of the sacrifice required to get it is too high or the goal itself does not agree with who you see yourself as. I don’t really like this, because it means that it’s possible you are not in control of what you do. Sure subconscious desires probably can play a role, but if it’s stopping you from doing what you want to do, you obviously don’t want it enough. In which case you should probably re-asses why you are doing it. But another reason I don’t like it is because, it’s quite easy to use this subconscious desire theory as a bullshit excuse not to put in hours, a form of procrastination.
The way I see, it you should be able to work towards your goals easily. And if you are faltering, take a break. A proper break. If that does not work, re-asses and decide if you want to carry on. And you should only stop doing it until you make a conscious decision that you don’t want to do it anymore. Don’t waste time thinking about doing and not actually doing it, in my case that wastes energy, breeds guilt and prevents me from relaxing when it is time to relax. And one of the things I believe is that relaxation is as important as working towards your goals.
Yeah, don’t feel you have to do something because you have to. Especially if it’s activities you do with your free time. That’s just bullshit. You don’t HAVE to do anything, you have a choice. So if you’ve made your choice, do it. You might be saying, “Oh! But my work, I don’t enjoy my work, I don’t want to work.” Yeah sure, maybe. But what do you get out of work? Money? What do you with that money? You live under a roof, you go out, buy drinks, food, clothes, etc. Surely you want those things? I am pretty sure you do. So if that’s the case, you want to work. So just fucking do it, and enjoy it. Be happy that you are working, others are not so fortunate.