The Motorola Droid Bionic. The latest feature to be added to the Motorola Droid Bionic, the company’s new flagship smart phone, is the ability to fuck you in the ass. I know some of you may be thinking: “Finally! Smart phones have finally reached the pinnacle of human technology!” The truth is this is nothing new. This feature has been included in many of Motorola’s older products including the original Motorola Droid, the great-great-grandfather of Motorola Droid Bionic. It’s not common knowledge, but this feature can be unlocked on nearly all of Motorola’s mobile products, including the soon-to-be-released Motorola Droid Bionic.
The best part about accessing this functionality is that you don’t have to root your phone, you don’t have to download an app. It already comes standard with the phone and will DEFINITELY be included in the Motorola Droid Bionic.
You may be wondering how you can do this on your phone. Well, I was one of the first people to get hold of and become a proud owner of the original Motorola Droid. I’ve been really happy with it. I shouted its praises at anyone willing to listen. Imagine my joy in finding new abilities on an old piece of hardware that I already thought was amazing.
Anyways enough teasing. In then next few paragraphs I will explain to you how to unlock this functionality so that your own Motorola phone can fuck you in the ass. So without further ado:
Unlock the ability to get fucked in the ass with the Motorola Droid Bionic
- Step 1: Use your phone as normal.
- Step 2: Wait for a fault that you yourself are unable to fix.
- Step 3: Send it to the repair centre listed on Motorola’s own website.
- Step 4: Hear nothing. Wait a week.
- Step 5: Phone the customer centre. Listen to them tell you they have no idea where your phone is… even though it was tracked and you can see that someone has signed for it.
- Step 6: Send a few emails, wait a week.
- Step 7: They find your phone and email you to tell you they will send you a quote.
- Step 8: Wait for the quote, receive nothing.
- Step 9: Call them up. Get told you’ve already been sent a quote and they have been waiting on you all this time.
That’s it! You’ve been fucked in the ass. As you can see it comes standard with every Motorola phone.
The best part is the feature has lasting effect and with the last few steps probably being:
- Step 10: Pay through you teeth for this shitty service.
- Step 11: Maybe get your phone back.
SBE Ltd UK, the company behind Motorola’s customer service, is shit. LG uses them too as does T-Mobile. If you can, avoid these companies at all costs. This is NOT an isolated incident. Support is a big part of the product. If you don’t have good support, you don’t have a good product.
Fuck you, a lot.